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watch your daughter


    When exposed to a radioactive source, David Banner gained superhuman powers and became The Incredible Hulk!(tm). When the very same thing happened to John Bland, he merely gained an extra two pounds in weight and had to let his trousers out.

    His bizarre Ready-Brek style glow and powerful Amulet of Eternal Invulnerability gives him the appearance of Hank Marvin out for an early morning jog.

watch your knickers


    "Postmaster" Thomas Rankin doesn't really work for the Post Office; he's a professional bogeyman, over ten feet tall. He carries with him - at all times - a sack of coal with which to feed the dolphins which plague his wallet.

watch your rayners


    Gerph Stanley Fletcher first found fame in the BBC sitcom "Porridge" where his character "Justin" was tormented by a range of cereal-based breakfasts.

    Since leaving the BBC over a dispute about chairs, he has become Britain's top RISC OS software writer, coding in the last year alone some 50,000 applications, although some say his latest work "JFPinTopPatchFilerJPEGStopSpriteHandleFix" doesn't compare to his earlier works.

watch your knackers


    There are boffins, there are boffins and then there's Kira L. Brown, professor of being Welsh-whilst-drunk at the Shakin' Stevens Institute of Green Doorology, Cheltenham. Kira's recent projects include porting RealAudio to a tiny wee small thing and reinventing the wheel. For her next trick, she will saw this man in half, no really.

watch your grammar


    Peter Naulls is a savage, untamed kiwi roaming the streets of our fair isle. Beware his terrifying mating cry - "choh-kuh-chee-noh!" - as he rampages through towns and cities, searching for speckled things.

watch your housemates


    Cheeky cockerney Nicholas Clark was found to be so talented as a young boy, he was immediately despatched to Liverpool to study rocks in the the hope that would slow his burgeoning brain. It failed, and now his mind has to be kept in a special cool room at EasyNet, where it spends its spare time routing IP packets.

watch your wallet


    Kai Andersen is - amazingly - nearly 76 years of age, and is still a student! Despite warnings from his doctor to "bog off" he keeps signing up for more courses; now due to overqualification, no company will employ him. Occasionally this annoys him so much he has to lie down in front of buses.

watch your other daughter


    Orfey (Shannon Deakin) was raised by wolves in New Zealand, but was asked to leave when she failed to pick up their hints about personal hygiene. Whilst she can often attract a mayn, they normally have time to escape before she can start blathering on about how many piercings she's got.

watch your software


    Jonathan Brady lives up in the clouds, high above we mere mortals. From his celestial home he controls the little people down below using a combination of mirrors, cheese and Noel Edmonds. His unearthly biddings are effected by Mr_Baldrick, his demon troll.

watch your econet


    Chris Johns, oft-known serial killer and developer of 'BDFS' for Clares. BDFS is, of course, the "Big Dangerous Flying Sausage" a game where you pilot a giant frankfurter in bombing raids over Germany. It will be ready for release in July 2007.
    He knows a mad woman.

watch your compiler


    Zappo (Thomas Olsson) is up to his eyeballs in LEGO™. This is partly because his house is made of it, partly because he usually lives in Denmark where the popular building block toy is prescribed by doctors for most common ailments. Instead of leeches!



james, john, chris, Sliced Software



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